more miles than you care to see

Sorry for the photo overload. He's just too cute.

magnetic, baby

With babies being born, and a few more to come, I find myself thinking of my own little one, how much we love him and how much he has added to our lives. The magnetic pull between the three of us feels stronger than ever these days, and it seems like David and I both take advantage of every opportunity to cuddle this guy. Really, how could we resist this face?

With cooler weather almost here, Miles and I are enjoying what's left of summer. We went to Como Park today for a stroll, a view of the waterfalls, and some downtime outside. Notice the rainbow at the bottom of the falls.

Miles actually prefers to be on the grass rather than on a blanket. His new motto: If you can't go to the grass, bring the grass to you.

pause

Another typical day filled with familial duties, mothering, and a full day of work.

I had just finished adding to Miles' lunch for the next day in one of our quiet rooms at work. Instead of packing up and rushing back to my desk like I usually do I found myself just sitting there. In a lime green mod version of an easy chair. Fixed. Unhurried.

My eyes were heavy with sleep, my mind was edging out thoughts as it settled into a much needed silence. No talking, no thinking, no planning, no multi-tasking. No moving, no working, no blogging. No caretaking, no cleaning, no strategizing. No what next? Just. a. moment. of. silence.

Five minutes passed. I began to move again, to think again. I could feel the moment of now, the disconnectedness from past and future simply fading, f a d i n g a w a y. And I was once again an orbiting planet, thinking of only the path ahead of me.

I realized at that moment how busy my life, our lives, really are. I can't remember the last time that my body and mind were at rest. Like most mothers, I am in constant motion, mentally or physically, always doing work, always thinking of what needs to be done. And this five minute hiatus from all that is wonderful, horrible, busy, challenging, delightful, and unexpected in our lives was truly a moment of release for me.

Five lovely minutes of stillness.

divine bovine

I have a thing for cows. So, when the MN state fair gets going around this time every year, I start looking forward to our annual trip to the fairgrounds...and a chance to see these very large, very dumb, but very generous animals. We trekked to the fair today (we live close enough to walk), and I caught a few pictures of these guys...

I really didn't mean to capture a handful of cow bottoms in my photos, but that was all the material I had to work with. Their faces were either buried in hay or hugging the wall. I admit, it does take the cuteness factor down a notch...

Miles did well today. We were at the fair for almost 4 hours, and he only started to fuss near the end, after missing his afternoon nap. He finally figured out that the teething biscuit goes in the mouth, and isn't just a toy to wave around in the air. He seemed pleased with this discovery.

new look

I half-jokingly blogged about a new haircut being the cure to my feelings of restlessness. Well, I thought I'd give it a go. I went shorter, a lot shorter, and lighter in color too. So far, I think I like it. Feeling a new bounce in my step.

And speaking of new looks, this is one that Miles has been giving lately right before getting his picture taken (usually when we are using the flash). What a goofball.

9 months old

Happy nine months, buggy!

Miles let me put Dad's PR hat on him...

for about two seconds...

I actually like the softness and blurriness of this photo. He looks like a little angel baby.

Playing with mama's purses and a pair of...swim goggles? In the spirit of the Olympics, I'm sure. Miles is paying homage to Phelps. And his inner fashionista.

On a different note, Miles went in for his 9 month visit today. Although it was good to touch base with his doctor, especially after all of my anxiety this week, it wasn't exactly the most reassuring visit. Doc did have some concerns about some of the atypical things he is doing, and of course, things he is not doing. She wasn't concerned enough to refer him for further evaluation, but definitely wants to keep on eye on him. He's dropped down the chart in height and weight, but his head is growing like a melon! And, she suggested skipping some of the more advanced lumpy baby food and going straight to adult food. So for lunch today, I tried it, and he ended up eating chicken and rice casserole that David and I had for dinner last night, blueberries, watermelon, cheerios and figured out how to use his sippy cup - all in one sitting. Guess I just needed to try giving him the real stuff. He still isn't self feeding, but at least we're making some progress.

heavy

WARNING: May contain whining and negativity.

No pictures today. Just a little bit of a pity-party. And lucky you, you're invited.

So, I've been feeling out of sorts for a few weeks. It's been building. Normally I wouldn't blog about something like this, but I'm feeling the need to vent. Nothing is truly wrong, just feeling anxious, worried, insecure. Add to this a rough day at work, the kind where you feel completely incompetent and overwhelmed, and you get a sad, sad working mama. Yep, that would be me.

Life just feels so heavy today.

I know I should be thankful for all of the things that we have, and I am. Our supportive families: a mother-in-law who cares for our baby like he is her own (yet we've started exploring other daycare options), a stepmother who asked if she could please watch Miles for a couple of hours so that David and I could have some time to ourselves (which we did by going to a movie, and yet, I found myself thinking of what the three if us could have been doing together as a family during that time), a good job (but work challenges are overwhelming me at the moment).

And then there is the whole mothering thing. There are the useless and ridiculous questions that creep up on me. Am I doing everything that I can to be the best mom to Miles? Is he developing normally? Am I making the right decisions and how will they affect our family? Nine months old and Miles is not crawling, creeping, pulling up, or eating anything that is lumpy. Should I be worried? It's probably nothing. He's probably just a little behind developmentally. But I feel very anxious about this. I'm not a perfect mother. He's not a perfect baby. And I need to relax. And enjoy his oh-so-sweet, gentle, and happy personality. Really, I know we are very lucky.

But life is difficult sometimes, even for those of us with supportive families, good jobs and happy babies. Right?

Life just feels so heavy today.

encuentro boricua

We attended the annual Puerto Rican Picnic today. This is usually a chance for me to step into the somewhat chaotic, loud, music-food-baby-focused culture that I inherited when I married David. Not having had much exposure to really loud music and lightning-speed spanish being spoken by a throbbing mass of people, I'm afaid it was a bit overwhelming for Miles...at first. He started crying the moment we arrived. However, once he saw his grandma's face, he was all smiles, and remained a happy camper for the rest of the picnic.

Of course there was drumming and dancing

And as you can tell from the photos, the Puerto Rican flag was everywhere. We have one in our garage. If it were up to David, we'd have them on our cars, in our house, and on our walls. (Really, he tried to purchase a piece of art while we were in PR that was an enormous painting of the flag)

And there was, of course, lots and lots of pork

A few photos of the family

nature's toys

A maple leaf, a stick, a dried leafy branch from the oak tree. Enjoying summer, in the grass, exploring the best free toys around.

off to school

Miles and I will be going to school this fall. We've signed up for Early Childhood Family Education classes offered through our public school district. I'm looking forward to meeting other parents, watching Miles interact with other babies, and learning more about development and age-appropriate family activities. All good stuff for a first-time newbie mama.

And I've decided to do something for me this fall...I'll likely be taking a creative non-fiction writing workshop. I'll let you know how it goes.

ordinary under the oaks

As the saying goes, life is good. I could get used to these long and warm summer days filled with the hustle and bustle of nothing and everything. A busy day of swimming at the pool, playing, napping, and picnicking at the at the park right outside our front door. I love the way we practically fall out of the house, picnic food and baby gear sprawling across the grass, knowing that we have arrived at a place of relaxation just steps from where we started. A few shots of our playtime at the park this evening...